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jokes, quotes & anecdotes... At Maxwell Wines, we take the business of making seriously good wines, well, seriously. That's why it's important for us to tell each other jokes and funny stories on a daily basis. Most of these revolve around wine, since we don't get out much anymore. We've got lots of barrels of wine here, but our barrel of laughs constantly needs topping up. Here's the latest addition... After a few serious glasses of Maxwell Shiraz at a hotel a man gets propositioned by a gorgeous woman who had been eyeing him up for some time. He politely explains that he has a girlfriend at home and cannot take her up on her very generous offer, but instead, invites her to join him to enjoy another bottle. As they continue to drink and enjoy each others company more she again invites him to finish the bottle at her place. He thinks for about 2 seconds and accepts her invitation. On the way out the door he grabs a stick of chalk off the dart board and puts it in his coat pocket. The woman gives him a strange look but thinks nothing of it. After a very enjoyable time at her place he decides it is best to get a cab home, and does so. As his wobbly legs carry him up the path towards the front door he takes the chalk out of his pocket and puts it behind his ear. As he opens the door there is the girlfriend in the hallway to greet him, and not too happy. WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN ? is the question. Actually, he says, I met a gorgeous young woman in a bar and we have been back at her place for the last 2 hours making love. I’m not stupid says his girlfriend. I know you’ve been out playing darts with your mates again! You’ve still got the bloody chalk behind your ear you idiot!!
from G.S., WA A seventy-eight-year-old guy is crying in a bar, struggling to finish his glass of The old man answers, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman."
The bartender nods his head, saying, "Don't worry, it may seem that you don't have a lot in common, but maybe this is an opportunity for each of you to grow!" The old man shakes his head, saying, "No, that's not the problem! We have everything in common! She's smart, funny, and wonderful to be around." The bartender looks at the man confused, then says, "So you're worried she just married you for your money, then?" The old man says, "No, she's an heiress! She has twice the money I do." The bartender is even more confused now. "Is it a sex problem? I know a great urologist." The old man just shakes his head and howls, "No, no. We make love morning, noon and night." The bartender gives him a look of bewilderment and says, "It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"
The old man answers, "I can't remember where I live!!!"
from M.M., SA |
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
"I often cook with wine... sometimes I even add it to the food." M.M.
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